Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Blessings... Clearing a few things up

Blessings by Laura Story 
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights 
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights 
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

Every time I hear the above song, I sing it at the top of my lungs.  It has always brought me so much peace.  That is to say that I am totally at peace with all that is happening inside my brain, or not happening!  My hope is that some others would read these lyrics and take them to heart.  I get that some of my family members may be hurting that I am no longer my old self, and because of that, they say hurtful things.  I wish that they read the lyrics, listen to the beauty of the song (link below) and especially allow the last paragraph to make an impression on their heart.
I am writing this blog as an outlet, and as I mentioned in my last post, as a way to possible reach out to others in  my situation, so I don't feel so alone with my struggles.  I don't write for pity.
Also, as I mentioned before, the Holiday's were especially tough for me.  They were made even more difficult by comments made by family members.  I learned that a certain member of my family thinks I have been taken over by the devil and since I have given him control, that is why I feel like I am losing my memory; or something along those lines.  Really??? That is the craziest thing I have ever heard!  I guess there opinion doesn't matter much, since they believe I am going to hell for being Mormon.  Either way, I am screwed if you ask them!  But what their comment, along with a few others made, allowed me to realize, is that everyone thinks this is about me forgetting things.  Oh how I would give anything if that was the case.  If that was all I had to deal with I would be golden!  I would be the post-it note queen!  Unfortunately, this disease is so much more! For those that don't deal with me everyday, here are the symptoms I am fighting with:

  • Memory Loss
  • Difficulty performing familiar tasks
  • Problems with language
  • Disorientation to time and place
  • Poor or decreased judgement
  • Problems with abstract thinking
  • Misplacing things
  • Extreme mood swings
  • Change in personality
  • Loss of Initiative
These things are no joke!  See, I wish I was just a little forgetful! But that isn't the case, nor is the case that  the devil has taken over my memory!  
One more myth I would like to clear up... I haven't thrown in the towel, I haven't resigned myself to 4-6 more years of life.  Yet I am realistic in regards to what the current research is, which means preparing.  Every so often I get a little teary eyed when I think about not seeing my kiddos do great things. But mostly I think about how lucky I am to have been given 5 years to prepare them and to jot everything down so they can remember me just the way I want them too!  Not to mention the fact that I have been given an opportunity to dedicate the rest of my life to my family.  Had I taken my own chosen route, I would still be the same old workaholic, climbing the corporate ladder.  And then what, my kids grow up knowing there mom was a fantastic employee, but didn't know how to make macaroni and cheese or get grass stains out?  Given the choice, I am truly enjoying the BLESSINGS!  That doesn't mean I have thrown in the towel.  Believe me, I will fight to the end.  If you know anything about me, and you are reading this, you should know that I am a fighter!
My best friend and I have a little joke ...We say that up in heaven when we were all choosing our strengths and weaknesses that we could handle here on this earth, God gave us a few options, and we kept telling him "no, we are tougher than that, what else you got?" And finally when there were only a couple of choice mortal lives left, and no one at all wanted them, we volunteered.  Now I know that can be misconstrued to look like we are holier than thou, NOT our meaning at all!!!! It just means, we have had a couple of pretty crappy roads when all is said and done.  But in the end, I look back and go, "I DID THAT!"  I truly did that!  I can tell some pretty shocking stories about my life.  Instead, I would like to let you know, that I have come out so very strong!  I am a fighter, and typically when I choose a fight, I win!  So, no I am not throwing in the towel.  Yet, I know that there is a chance, some of you may be caused pain by what my life has in store.  I can only hope that you will realize that "the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy".  
I am so grateful for the comfort I have in knowing that I am sealed to my family for time and all eternity.  I am grateful for the work I am able to do in the temples to continue and grow my heavenly family.  And more than anything I am grateful for my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, who came to earth and chose to die for me, because Heaven only knows some of the sins I have committed.  And with out the power of repentance I would be in a world of pain right now.  Instead, I am in a world of peace.  I am surrounded by people who love me and I am certain that many blessings will come as I face this trial head on!  So click on the link below and listen to the song.  Picture me singing at the top of my lungs, maybe I have a tear or two, but mostly I have a huge smile and I am thinking my Heavenly Father for every clear moment I am offered!



  1. 2 Timothy 1:7
    For God has not given us the spirit of fear but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

    I think this is the verse Mom was referring to and suggesting you stand on this verse. She was not implying that you are possessed by the devil or going to hell because you are Morman. She knows that judgement for hell is not hers, but God's alone. Sorry you feel such anguish for Mom, but her intentions are for good, not harm.
    The statement below is not one I wrote, but one that followed the above verse as a commentary. Think of it as you will but I feel it has truth in it.
    Aunt Karen

    It takes the Spirit of God to produce a truly sound mind. This verse also implies that, as long as the mind is devoid of God's Spirit, it cannot be considered to be truly healthy. Any mind that lacks the Holy Spirit will, like Esau's, be limited in its outlook, unstable to some degree, and focused on itself. It may be very sharp regarding material things, but it will be deficient in the ability to cope with life in a godly manner because it cannot see things in a proper, righteous-or-unrighteous context. Instead, it will have a strong tendency to twist situations toward its own self-centered perspective. This does not make for good relationships.

  2. I am not saying your symptoms are Stress INSTEAD of EOA, just asking you to look into what happens to your body and mind when you have too much stress. It carries the same symptoms and signs as those you are experiencing.
    Did a DR. DX you with EOA? I so hope that is not what you are experiencing.

    Stress doesn’t always look stressful
    Psychologist Connie Lillas uses a driving analogy to describe the three most common ways people respond when they’re overwhelmed by stress:

    Foot on the gas – An angry or agitated stress response. You’re heated, keyed up, overly emotional, and unable to sit still.
    Foot on the brake – A withdrawn or depressed stress response. You shut down, space out, and show very little energy or emotion.
    Foot on both – A tense and frozen stress response. You “freeze” under pressure and can’t do anything. You look paralyzed, but under the surface you’re extremely agitated.
    Signs and symptoms of stress overload
    The following table lists some of the common warning signs and symptoms of stress. The more signs and symptoms you notice in yourself, the closer you may be to stress overload.

    Stress Warning Signs and Symptoms
    Cognitive Symptoms Emotional Symptoms
    Memory problems
    Inability to concentrate
    Poor judgment
    Seeing only the negative
    Anxious or racing thoughts
    Constant worrying
    Irritability or short temper
    Agitation, inability to relax
    Feeling overwhelmed
    Sense of loneliness and isolation
    Depression or general unhappiness

    Physical Symptoms Behavioral Symptoms
    Aches and pains
    Diarrhea or constipation
    Nausea, dizziness
    Chest pain, rapid heartbeat
    Loss of sex drive
    Frequent colds
    Eating more or less
    Sleeping too much or too little
    Isolating yourself from others
    Procrastinating or neglecting responsibilities
    Using alcohol, cigarettes, or drugs to relax
    Nervous habits (e.g. nail biting, pacing)

    Keep in mind that the signs and symptoms of stress can also be caused by other psychological and

  3. Stumbled by. Stop working. Spend time with your kids if you feel you only have a few years left. That's what they will remember. Not that you were a great waitress. And have you seen a doctor recently to have this diagnosed?
    Good luck. Don't let others bother you. You take care of you.

  4. To everyone above - do you honestly believe that Kristy would be saying that she has EOA if she hadn't been diagnosed with it? Really?

    Kristy - I am so sorry to see the above comments and see how people are using a scripture to challenge the diagnosis you have been given and somehow suggest that the condition you are facing could be caused by or resultant from your beliefs. Of course I believe God can do anything He wants and could heal you - I'm not suggesting that He couldn't. What I am saying is that there are many true believers on this planet that have been diagnosed with Alzheimers and have had to fight this horrible disease. I think your faith through this process is going to shine and hopefully lead others to Christ, and maybe that is the point? I am so incredibly upset as a Christian to see these comments, and I hope people will think again about what they are saying and how hurtful it can be.

    I am devastated for you and for your family, and I know that the road ahead is going to be difficult. I COMMEND YOU for your strength and your attitude going into this, and I am glad that you have found solace in the song Blessings, which is such a beautiful song and I too sing it at the top of my lungs when I hear it. Mormon or not, I believe that if you put your trust in Jesus Christ and believe that he is your Savior, and trust and rest in Him, you are saved.

    I love you tons, and remember that many people don't understand what you are going to be going through, because they haven't been there. Trust in yourself and the decisions that you are making now with your family. I truly appreciate your comments about being able to be there with your family, and have this opportunity to show them how much they are loved, and write down whatever you can about yourself and your life. It will be invaluable.

    Can't wait to see you in June.


  5. Kristy,

    I send you all my love and prayers. You are a strong woman, even if you get negative comments, you hold that hear high and know that you are loved. I want you to know how much I look up to you. You are a light unto me and I have been a mormon all my life. May you know that you are loved and know that you have many who look up to you for the choices you have made. You have not always had it easy but you sure are special. Your friend
    Shannon Wills Nelson