Friday, March 18, 2011

Write or sell?

I decided to come outside and enjoy the second beautiful day we have had in a row!  I spent all day yesterday with the girls and some friends.  What looked like about 10 moms and 50 kids, went to the zoo yesterday to bask in the amazing weather and friendship.  And afterwards a few came to our house to play even longer in the amazing sun!  Today is just as nice and even warmer, but the girls are on the way to the beach with their mom.  So out I am.  But we don’t have patio furniture, so I decided to climb on the trampoline and lounge a bit as I wrote.  I’m certain that any neighbor looking out their back window got a great laugh!  When is the last time you tried to climb onto a trampoline and through the net, while being 7 months pregnant?  If getting down is just as easy, you may find me still laying here in the morning!
I can’t help but recognize how extremely lucky I have been the last few days to spend them with the girls (Isaac is in Buffalo with his dad).  When I worked full time, this would have been impossible.  I wouldn’t have made sponge balls for water fights or bowls out of yarn.  I wouldn’t have read lots of books to Soph or been able to relax and just enjoy their presence.  I would have rushed home to cook dinner, give them a bath and get them in bed.  And what kind of spring break is that?  We are broke, so I am a little jealous that they get to go to the beach with their mom.  But for $20, we had activities galore, and that was good enough for me.
The hard part comes when I look at our bank statement.  I have to do something!  I am working with a great event and trying to secure sponsorships for their 5k and 10k held in June.  I also have the South Nash Dash in the works, but we don’t see money from that until September and even then it is measly. But money complaints is not why I am here today.  I am really just so grateful for having the ability to focus on being a mom.  And I want to find a way to continue it for years with Baby Andrew once he is born.
Friends and I went to an amazing conference last weekend called “Time Out For Women”. It was so uplifting and inspiring.  But “Become” was the main theme.  What I took away was the idea that I can become something amazing if I work with God on what he wants for me. So pray I did.  A lot.  And I can’t help thinking that I am supposed to write a book.  But that is all I have so far.  Not sure if it should be fiction, spiritual, or a biography (risking my entire family hating me forever!).  Not sure if I am supposed to take a few writing classes first.  Just not sure.  
I know that I have to earn money in the meantime, or fear my husband losing his sanity.  Selling sponsorships is something I am good at, I know who to talk to and how to get things done.  I love creating activation ideas and in reality I would really like to teach at the collegiate level one day. There is not doubt that I am not the same work-a-holic, fun, party girl that Rob married.  I am more of the work-from-home-when-I-feel-like-it mom, who spends hours a week doing church service or activities. Right now what I want and what Rob wants me to do, are two totally different things! So how does it work?  I have such a strong faith that Heavenly Father will provide a way.  But I also do not want my family to starve. He says that He will take care of us once we have done our very best. So I’m trying to figure out my timing.  I can’t exactly throw my hands up and say “God told me to write a book, hope you all like rice and beans!” How do I do what I need to do financially, and also do what I think the Lord is leading me to do? And don’t forget that I will be doing it all with no regular sleep while attempting to breast feed!
I have loved picking up the kid(s) from school everyday.  I am so grateful that when I am having a “sick” day, I stay in bed.  I don’t stress, I don’t go to work sick, I don’t worry about what the boss is thinking, I just relax and get better.  But I hate the worried look on my husbands face when he says “I just don’t know how we are going to make it” and I know he is looking at me to fill the gap. Families make the sacrifice for a mom to stay home with the kids all of the time, so I know it can work.  But asking him to make it work when it wasn’t who he married and when his mom worked, is a lot different.  I hate disappointing anyone, especially my loved ones, so something has to work out that keeps us all happy!  I guess what I will do is pray some more and keep trying to sell some sponsorships between prayers!