Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Faye's Cake Pops...Next Level?

Happy Halloween!!

Kristy Faye - Chief Baker
Cake Bites

For those of you who have followed my random blogs over the past couple of years, you know of my many health ups and downs, as well as the emotional ups and downs that go along with my health. So about a year ago, I tried making a cake pop. I was inspired by a sweet friend, Suzie, who made them and brought them to my baby shower right before Andrew was born. They were delicious and so cute!! Anyway, I started playing with them, and they were tasting good, but looked pretty silly! But there was something very calming about the baking and the decorating. I loved every second of it, and my kids loved eating them, it was a win win! Over the past year, I would make them on the weekends to enjoy with friends and family, and every so often I would get a real order! In the last couple of months I have had an order each weekend. Usually pretty small, but it was fun for me, and forced me to get more creative with recipes, as well as decorations.  
Andrew under my work cart
As seen above, Andrew tends to stay attached to my leg, and when I am working at my cake pop table, he sits underneath it and drives his trains up and down my leg! This makes it a little tough to work for long periods of time, but I still love every minute of it! Especially when he approves a new flavor!
Official Taste Tester



Last week I got a pretty huge surprise when I was contacted by Liza, the creator of Style Blueprint, to see if she could do a feature on Faye's Cake Pops. The timing was amazing, because that week I had been wishing that I had enough cake pop orders to be able to make a difference to my family and our debt.  I love being at home with Andrew so much. I also love being able to drop everything when Isaac needs me, even if it is just to run his football jersey to school. I can't imagine ever working a 9-5 again, and I would just love to go gang busters with something I love.  And I love love love baking! So anyway, I couldn't agree to the feature quick enough!  I have been over the moon for the past week, but yesterday I was overwhelmed with anxiety. I realize that by doing this feature, I am opening myself up to criticism and failure.  This opportunity could really blow Faye's Cake Pops out of the water. Or it could do nothing, and although it wouldn't change who I am today, there is a part of me that will consider that a failure. The email feature will go to over 10,000 subscribers.  On average, it is clicked through by 4,000 people.  If I can't sell cake pops with that kind of  publicity, I won't ever sell cake pops. As much as I believe that God always has a plan for me, I would really like a successful company for me to be a part of His plan!  With that said, the email will go out sometime between now and tomorrow morning. I don't know what it will say, what pictures they will choose to use,  or what effect it will have on my future. But just in case, I have a new email address - FayesCakePops@gmail.com, a new twitter - FayesCakePops and of course the Facebook page. 
I am nervous, I am excited, I am anxious, I am blessed and more than anything I am loved and supported by my family and friends. I couldn't ask for anything more today. But tomorrow, I will ask for a bit of grass roots success, and if it doesn't come....Well then I will probably catch up on the laundry and go to the gym with a very good friend!  And at the end of the day, I will say my prayers and be thankful for everything that comes my way.
































Sunday, September 2, 2012

What a week!

So many times this week, I have thought to myself "wow, I need to blog about this!" And then another day, another event and another day, another event. But now it is Sunday, so let's wrap this week up!

Monday was just a busy day, wearing all of my different hats... I wake up as a mom, then I have a call with an advertiser that Mere Bulles has a contract with, in order to get all of the details and add it to the analysis. Then I am off to the doctor, although it isn't bad this week, as I only had one dr's appt on my calendar for this week! Late afternoon, I had a meeting to go over all of the wedding advertising opportunities for Mere Bulles, with Steven and Megan. And finally, back to mom mode! All in all, a busy, but good day!
Tuesday was mostly consumed with Isaac's orthodontist appt. It is crazy when I think we have been driving to Goodlettsville for these appointments for 6 years now! Anyway, after I got Isaac to school, I went on with my day, until I was rear-ended. A simple rear-end is not a big deal to most people, but for me, it almost always results in one more concussion.  And another concussion is always one more too many. We just don't know how many more shakes this fragile brain can take... But to top it off, I got out of the car and suggested to the lady that hit me that we pull over to the side in order to exchange insurance info and what not.  So I go back to my car, pull over to the shoulder (we were at a 4 way stop), check on Andrew and when I turn around, that jerk face is gone! Who does that?? Not only did she hit and run me, but she had two kids in her car that she was setting an example for, a little girl, probably 6, and a little boy, probably 8 or 9.  Needless to say, Tuesday was rough for me! I had to get home, take some alleve and lay down.  The headache and fuzzy brain that accompanies a concussion, even a small one, are just lame!
We can skip Wednesday... no need to bore you with the nuances of my regular day.
Thursday should have been a very laid back day, until I got a call from the CPA Football athletic trainer letting me know that Isaac took a pretty good knock to the head. He plays football, he is a left guard, he gets hit...a lot! So a call letting me know, is not a good thing. Then the fact that I got a couple more calls in the 10 minutes it took me to get there, more reassurance that the news wasn't good. But I get there and go talk to the trainer and Isaac. The news isn't surprising, Isaac got a concussion. I let the trainer know that I know concussions all too well. I don't let him know that I probably know more about concussions than he does. I'm still not too concerned, I knew this would happen one day, my son plays football for goodness sakes.  So we get home, feed him, get him some alleve and put him to bed. He is out at 7:30, I check on him at midnight, he is breathing, all is well, time for me to get some rest.  But on Friday, I can tell that this is no simple concussion for Isaac. He is really out of it. He can barely walk through a doorway without hitting the frame. He can barely make eye contact.  He tells me stories that don't make any sense at all. He asks me questions, a few times.  By noonish, he just continues to get worse, so I finally call his pediatrician. They get us right in, check him out and confirm that he has a severe concussion and they are a little worried that it could be more. So they send us to Vanderbilt Children's Hospital. On days like this, I love that I live in Nashville, if for no other reason, than I can take my kids to Vanderbilt when they are sick.  Anyway, it confirmed again, that Isaac indeed has a concussion. No regular concussion, but a severe concussion, and they want to do a CT scan to make sure there isn't anything more severe such as bleeding on the brain.
Of course I have been through all of these tests, more times than I can count. And I have considered what it would be like if Isaac got a concussion. But I never could have imagined, what it would feel like to see this
It was scary to say the least, although I was certain he would be okay. Mostly I just prayed. I prayed and prayed and prayed. Finally, we received the CT results, they were negative.  I was so very grateful for that. But on the flip side, living with the issues I have from concussions, I was saddened that I allowed something to happen to Isaac, placing him in the same pain I have often. To hear him say "everything is all fuzzy", "I have such a bad headache" and "I can't really focus". These are things I understand all too well, so all I can do for now is love on Isaac and make sure he continues to rest and not use his brain until the swelling goes down.  On the upside, I decided that there is a sports concussion center and a BRAIN group that will work with Isaac and his school to watch for any delayed effects that can be caused by a concussion,  and those things used to be completely ignored.  The progress that is being made is fantastic, and now I know!
Saturday was a day I have dreaded for months and months, it is the day my brother was to get married. I don't need to get into the drama the past months have held, but in short, the boy who was once my best friend, hasn't talked to me in months or let me meet his daughter that was born in March. It has been a very rough road.  So in knowing that this big day for him was approaching, my stress level has been at full capacity.  But indeed I survived.
It is Sunday... I am living and breathing, and still wearing my pajamas, even though it is 4pm! I feel like I deserve a day off, at least from all of my roles except mom. So today I will play trains with Andrew and watch a movie with Isaac. And tomorrow I will start over again. It will be a new week after all!

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Trust that you are doing the best you can!


I had an amazing birthday celebration this weekend! I could not have felt more spoiled by my husband than I did. Not only did he get me floor tickets for Carrie Underwood, in the 20th row, but he gathered some of my good friends together for a day on the boat and a night out on the town.
He also helped me realize something incredibly important, and that is that he loves me more than anything. And sometimes, oftentimes, I forget that key fact.  I think that we just get so very busy with work, kids, household, extracurricular activities and stress, that we don't have much time to show our love to each other. So we both just need to remember that this is where we are in life today. We do have 4 kids, he does travel almost every Mon - Fri, I am trying to sell cake pops, create marketing ideas for the restaurant, pick up serving shifts and make sure everyone is where they need to be, on time, in clean clothes and with a full belly. But I am not trying to work on my run on sentence skills, just in case you were wondering! I am grateful to spend almost all of my time with Andrew. I am so lucky to be able to be where ever Isaac needs me to be, whenever he needs me. But to do those things, Rob has to be on the road. And when he isn't on the road, he is working late into the night to catch up on all of the work he didn't get done while he was on the road. I am so grateful for the life he allows us to live!
So, that is what I learned during my birthday celebration...Life is so busy, I may feel unloved. But needing to be so many places for so many people, should remind me how loved I actually am!  So if I get a little whiny once in awhile, feel free to remind me that I need to live in the moment, and although my moment is controlled chaos, there isn't anywhere else I should be.

On a different note, orders for Faye's Cake Pops are really starting to come in. Which is pretty cool since I haven't done anything to promote them except start a Facebook page and feed them to my friends! I really do love baking and playing in the kitchen. It is a little tough with all of Andrew's help, but still fun.  This weekend I will be making an order for Regions Bank, a bachelorette party and a Spider-Man themed birthday. I am actually letting cakes cool as I type and while Andrew naps.

I guess Rob was right when I said I wanted to retire...He responded with "until you find something else you love to do". I love making cake pops. I also love making a marketing pitch to get more events in the restaurant doors. But i'll be honest and admit that what I love the most is taking a nap with Andrew and feeling his sweet soft head under my chin as he snuggles up to me.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Things worth leaving behind and things worth going back to find


It has been a long time since my last post, and so many things have happened since then. Some good, some not as good, but each a part of the lessons I continue to learn in this great thing I call life!
In 2 days, I will be ending the 39th year and beginning the 40th. I can't believe I am turning 39. The last few months have been full of ups and downs, and in an effort to not let the downs pull me far and let the ups continue to lift me, I have been thinking about what is important daily, and what isn't.
So here goes...
Things worth leaving behind:

  1. Trying to do everything for everyone
  2. Changing me to try and make others happy
  3. Not speaking up for myself
  4. Constant fear of forgotten memories
  5. Conditional relationships

Things worth going back to find:

  1. Church activity - Sunday attendance, scripture study, Family Home Evening, Tithing.  God promises us so many blessings, but he can't bless me for covenants not kept (a great friend reminded me of that today). God isn't judging me harshly for my mistakes, I am. He is just waiting patiently for me to return to him
  2. Healthy Eating - Enough said :) 
  3. Continued exercise - I realized a couple of months ago that I wasn't going to get back on track unless I was accountable to someone. I am extremely grateful to my friend Megan who agreed to run the Nashville Women's Half Marathon with me, therefore requiring that I get my runs in every week.
  4. Journaling - I have to keep track of the good days, not just the bad. I have a habit of journaling when I am upset and not when I am happy. My kids need to be able to look back one day and read about the wonderful days that I experience as well as the tough ones.
  5. Spending time with good friends - I am still suffering with social anxiety, but I feel so much better after I have spent time visiting with good friends, I need to do it more often.
I have done somethings better than others, don't we all? So my goal is to make a real effort this year to prioritize my day. There are some things that have to be done, some things that can wait, and somethings that are just more important than others. I want to know that at the end of the day, I at least got done what was important to me. I do a pretty good job of getting done everything that is important to my husband and children, but I am pretty crappy at doing what is important to me. So I am going to create a little checklist for myself and look at it each evening to see how well I did. I am curious to see how my mood will correlate with my checklist success. I am guessing that the results will not surprise me.  Feel free to join me on this exciting adventure, because something I am going back to find is my blogging voice!

Sunday, January 15, 2012

The New Plan in a New Year

Sixteen Days ago, I saw the white light.  The one that I thought people made up.  It isn't made up, it exists.  It is bright and warm and peaceful.  I was there.  I later learned that my heart rate was in the 20's, my blood pressure 30/13.  I shouldn't have been there, I made a mistake.  But I survived to tell the tale.  My best friend in the whole world told me the other day, that I have been given a second chance, and all be darned if she is going to let me take it for granted!
So here I am.  I spent some time in CCU.  I spent some time getting tests, and getting help.  We learned that I am in fact not "above average" anymore.  Don't get me wrong, I wasn't born smart, that is my son Isaac.  I was born with above average drive.  I have spent my life trying to beat the odds.  Trying to break the cycle.  Trying to go farther in my life than family members of my past.  And in all honesty, I did a pretty good job.  I studied like crazy, I took serious notes, I did everything in my power to make it.
And I did make it!  I had a fantastic job in the NHL.  More CEO and company owner contacts than I knew what to do with.  Then I married my soul mate.  The most handsome man I have ever laid eyes on. I gained two beautiful daughters, and everyone knows how badly I always wanted a little girl ( I got 2)!
Then when it was time for me not to work so much, I got another great job as the Director of Sponsorship at the Nashville Chamber of Commerce.  Many times I heard "things just fall into your lap".  Which isn't true.  I am a firm believer in Success = Opportunity + Preparation, and I have always done everything I could to be prepared.  And with that, I will discontinue focusing on the past.
What I learned last week is that I am indeed suffering from a Traumatic Brain Injury, due to concussions.  What that means is that the "roads" in my brain don't work very well.  And the "roads" to my memory is currently out of order.  I took hours worth of tests to get these results.  They didn't surprise me at all.  But what they did do, is let me loved ones know that I am not making this up.  It is an honest to goodness condition that can progress to EOA (which I also won't be talking about anymore until further results come in). For now, what we know for sure is that I am about as smart as a lower level high school graduate.  If only I could stop paying my student loans now and pretend I didn't go to college for a million years! Regardless, there is some good news and that is what this blog will focus on in the future...
There is a type of occupational therapy for my brain at Vanderbilt.  The goal is to open up the "roads" to my memory and hopefully reduce the number of speed bumps on my cognitive processing "roads".  Currently the speed bumps are doing a great job of slowing down my processing, but that's not the life I want to live!
With some prompting from my best friend, Karlee, and  a lot of support from my husband, I am planning to kick some butt in my brain classes!  She reminded me that people haven't loved my because of my degrees, but for who I am, and I need to find that person again!  I am going to learn to love who I am, no matter how I do on tests and no matter how smart I used to be.  I plan to be the person who progresses so well in brain class, that doctors have to say "results not typical" when I take part in their studies :)
I won't pretend that I am not scared.  I am.  But a little fear never killed anyone.  I am ready to regain as much of my memory as God sees fit.  I also plan to be the best mom, wife and friend that I can be.  This is a journey I call life, and I plan to do my best every single day with this second chance that I have been given, for I am truly grateful!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Blessings... Clearing a few things up


Blessings by Laura Story 
We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights 
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights 
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

Every time I hear the above song, I sing it at the top of my lungs.  It has always brought me so much peace.  That is to say that I am totally at peace with all that is happening inside my brain, or not happening!  My hope is that some others would read these lyrics and take them to heart.  I get that some of my family members may be hurting that I am no longer my old self, and because of that, they say hurtful things.  I wish that they read the lyrics, listen to the beauty of the song (link below) and especially allow the last paragraph to make an impression on their heart.
I am writing this blog as an outlet, and as I mentioned in my last post, as a way to possible reach out to others in  my situation, so I don't feel so alone with my struggles.  I don't write for pity.
Also, as I mentioned before, the Holiday's were especially tough for me.  They were made even more difficult by comments made by family members.  I learned that a certain member of my family thinks I have been taken over by the devil and since I have given him control, that is why I feel like I am losing my memory; or something along those lines.  Really??? That is the craziest thing I have ever heard!  I guess there opinion doesn't matter much, since they believe I am going to hell for being Mormon.  Either way, I am screwed if you ask them!  But what their comment, along with a few others made, allowed me to realize, is that everyone thinks this is about me forgetting things.  Oh how I would give anything if that was the case.  If that was all I had to deal with I would be golden!  I would be the post-it note queen!  Unfortunately, this disease is so much more! For those that don't deal with me everyday, here are the symptoms I am fighting with:

  • Memory Loss
  • Difficulty performing familiar tasks
  • Problems with language
  • Disorientation to time and place
  • Poor or decreased judgement
  • Problems with abstract thinking
  • Misplacing things
  • Extreme mood swings
  • Change in personality
  • Loss of Initiative
These things are no joke!  See, I wish I was just a little forgetful! But that isn't the case, nor is the case that  the devil has taken over my memory!  
One more myth I would like to clear up... I haven't thrown in the towel, I haven't resigned myself to 4-6 more years of life.  Yet I am realistic in regards to what the current research is, which means preparing.  Every so often I get a little teary eyed when I think about not seeing my kiddos do great things. But mostly I think about how lucky I am to have been given 5 years to prepare them and to jot everything down so they can remember me just the way I want them too!  Not to mention the fact that I have been given an opportunity to dedicate the rest of my life to my family.  Had I taken my own chosen route, I would still be the same old workaholic, climbing the corporate ladder.  And then what, my kids grow up knowing there mom was a fantastic employee, but didn't know how to make macaroni and cheese or get grass stains out?  Given the choice, I am truly enjoying the BLESSINGS!  That doesn't mean I have thrown in the towel.  Believe me, I will fight to the end.  If you know anything about me, and you are reading this, you should know that I am a fighter!
My best friend and I have a little joke ...We say that up in heaven when we were all choosing our strengths and weaknesses that we could handle here on this earth, God gave us a few options, and we kept telling him "no, we are tougher than that, what else you got?" And finally when there were only a couple of choice mortal lives left, and no one at all wanted them, we volunteered.  Now I know that can be misconstrued to look like we are holier than thou, NOT our meaning at all!!!! It just means, we have had a couple of pretty crappy roads when all is said and done.  But in the end, I look back and go, "I DID THAT!"  I truly did that!  I can tell some pretty shocking stories about my life.  Instead, I would like to let you know, that I have come out so very strong!  I am a fighter, and typically when I choose a fight, I win!  So, no I am not throwing in the towel.  Yet, I know that there is a chance, some of you may be caused pain by what my life has in store.  I can only hope that you will realize that "the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy".  
I am so grateful for the comfort I have in knowing that I am sealed to my family for time and all eternity.  I am grateful for the work I am able to do in the temples to continue and grow my heavenly family.  And more than anything I am grateful for my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, who came to earth and chose to die for me, because Heaven only knows some of the sins I have committed.  And with out the power of repentance I would be in a world of pain right now.  Instead, I am in a world of peace.  I am surrounded by people who love me and I am certain that many blessings will come as I face this trial head on!  So click on the link below and listen to the song.  Picture me singing at the top of my lungs, maybe I have a tear or two, but mostly I have a huge smile and I am thinking my Heavenly Father for every clear moment I am offered!


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOOFAaUGfRE

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Christmas with Early Onset Alzheimer's


It's clear that I won't be having anymore "big girl" jobs, as I have often referred to my cool jobs and also to the upstart of Maxx V.  I am so very grateful for the opportunity to continue to wait tables at Mere Bulles. The owner and management have been amazing to me, not to mention my co-workers that have to work along side of me.  Yesterday was my first day off, besides Sundays in what feels like ages!  Of course they would tell you differently, as they refer to me as the vacation queen... But I honestly didn't realize how important going to Mere Bulles was to my reality these days.  It has become my normal, and I now see that when I don't have the normal, I am a mess.
This is my first Christmas since my Early Onset Alzheimer's symptoms have really set in.  And it is horrific!  Which is heartbreaking to me.  I have always tried so hard to focus on Jesus' birthday and the huge sacrifice God made, to send his son down to earth.  Knowing that once he was born, he would suffer so much pain and persecution, but that he would save us all.  I am so very grateful for His Birthday!  But my every breathing moment is so hard.  I mean, really hard, I feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest it is so hard to breath.  I know that it is anxiety, anxiety isn't new to me.  I already take medication for it, and for years it has stayed in check.  Now it is as if I have lost control.
I tried so hard to get ready for church this morning, but I am literally scared out of my mind to go. I had nightmares last night about how mean all of the ladies were to me.  So we decide not to go and then I am dealing with the anxiety of going to RB's family Christmas.  I want to go. It is so important to him.  But it is as if my feet are made of cement.
So now as to why I am having these issues.  I think it is two-fold.  One is medical, one of the symptoms is the depression and inability to really "care", based on what is working and not working in my brain.  I still have enough sense to know that those symptoms alone make me a completely different person than I used to be.  The super happy, cheerful, girl with the desire to serve anyone and everyone is gone.  And I would be an idiot to now know that other people have noticed as well.  Whether it is my loved ones pointing out my attitude to me, or friends who have bailed on me because I'm just not the same anymore.  I know that I am not good anymore. And I have always had an issue with unhappy people... Thinking that they should choose to wake up on the right side of bed instead of the grumpy side.  And now I am one of them.  I try so hard to smile and be happy, and then I am reminded that I don't look truly happy.  I am reminded that I am bringing others down.  So this is the second part of my anxiety issues.  I just don't feel good about being out in the unknown, and having people think that I am grumpy.  When I really am not, I am just not able to show happiness these days.  It is as if that emotion isn't connecting anymore.  I would give anything to have it connect... You hear stories of Alzheimer's patients being "flat" and "emotionless", and that symptom truly sucks, I can't say anything else about it.
So what I realize is that when I am at Mere Bulles, they know what to expect from me, and I am very comfortable with what I will get there each and every day.  But on days when I have to be around people who don't know me well, I am struck with the overwhelming thought...They are going to think I am grumpy and not nice.  Those are two adjectives that I am not comfortable with in describing me.  The only way to prevent that, is to not leave my house.  And that isn't very healthy either.  So what is a girl to do?
In my deep fear and anxiety, I decided to blog.
Don't worry, I am also journaling a lot.  And working on my book.  But I decided that if I can help one other EOA patient feel not alone, I have done some good.  So I will do my best to put this out there.  I feel as if I am being eaten alive from the inside out, and I wish I had someone to talk to that is going through the same thing.  Until then, I will send this out into the world wide web, and see if anyone finds me that understands where I am coming from.
Please don't mistake me as a bah humbug!  I am so very grateful for Christ.  I am grateful for my church and the opportunity that it affords me in the next life!  I am grateful for everything that this holiday holds!  But I guess it just doesn't show on  my face.  For that, I am sorry.
Merry Christmas to all!!!! Don't take anything for granted! Smile from the inside out, everytime you are given the opportunity!

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Airing Dirty Laundry


A month or two ago, I was contacted by the Alzheimer's Association of Middle Tennessee, asking if they could send out my info and see if there were any takers interested in my story.  Of course I said yes.  Then when Fox News wanted to interview me for a special they are doing on High School Sports, Head Injuries and long term results, such as Early Onset Alzheimer's or Dementia, of course I said yes again.  The day of the interview, my 13 year old asked if I was nervous. "Nope" I said. He wondered why not.  And I explained to him that I felt that it was my duty to share my story, to try and help others.  To make sure fewer people suffer as I have due to 2 decades of concussions.  And at the moment I honestly felt that way.  So why now, 1 hour away from airtime do I feel as if I am going to barf?  Why do I feel like I want to scream "Just Kidding!!!" at the top of my lungs?  
I know the importance of my story.  I know people associated with Alzheimer's Association have heard me talk on myself 3 years running.  But there really isn't a limit as to who will know my story now.  If it airs, if it is placed on the web in their archives, there is no hiding it.  There is no pretending what my future looks like.  No, I don't want to hear, "I'm sure you will be okay", "The doctors may be wrong",  or anything of that nature.  You are only kidding yourself.  I have a 2% chance of NOT getting Early Onset Alzheimer's in the next 2-12 years.  Do you realize that means that I will more likely win the lottery or something crazy like that, than have my memory when I am 50 years old? Don't get me wrong, I am not angry at the disease, but I really don't enjoy people who minimize what the disease means to me and my family.  
Maybe that is what I am afraid of, people seeing the special and telling me that "I'll be okay".  In one way, they are right, I will be okay.  As the old joke goes, Alzheimer's is the way you want to die, because you don't even remember you are sick.  But I have done the research, I have read all there is to read.  And I know that it is a horrible disease for my care giver(s).  And that is the part that hurts me.  Knowing how much trouble I will be for my family, that hurts me.  Knowing how tight the budget already is, and how much tighter it will be, that hurts me.  Knowing that I am sick, that doesn't hurt.
When I was pregnant my mother in law condemned me for getting pregnant while knowing that I may not make it and that I would leave her son alone as a father.  I get where she is coming from, but what she missed is how crucial  our sweet baby boy is to our family as a whole.  There is no such thing as half-brother, step-sister, step-brother in our house.  We are just one big family and we love and support each other as such.  And if I become a burden, and my daughters think of walking away because I am only their step mom, I believe they will look at their little brother and get back in there to help in anyway they can.  That is the bridge that my sweet baby boy has created.  On the outside it may look as if I was selfish to have a baby while I have such a sad prognosis, but in reality, I think I have given my whole family the greatest blessing ever.  
I will pass away pretty young, by typical standards.  My husband and I have discussed that, and he knows that I expect him to remarry and enjoy the last 30 or so years of his life with someone else wonderful. But when it comes to keeping the kids together, that will be Andrew's role, and that is why I had a baby.
Recently I had what I call, a little talk with God.  I did that a lot while I was on bed rest, but since then, most talks with God end up with me asleep!  No offense to God, but mothers of newborns will pretty much sleep anywhere you let them! (or at least I will) Anyway, we had a little heart to heart, and I asked him if I was blowing this whole thing out of proportion, as I tend to do... But unfortunately this time he said no.  He let me know it was time to follow through with all of the hints he has been dropping.  It was time to focus on the book I started "All the things I want you to know, when I can't remember". It was time to get long-term care insurance in place.  It is critical that my husband learn to carry the spiritual burden that has long since been mine.  And it was time to tell my husband that his dreams of me being a big executive and making lots of money are over.  It was time for me to enjoy each and every second with my children, my family and my husband.   So that is what I have begun to do. 
Lately I have heard "You sure do take a lot of vacations!" And I smile and say, "thank goodness for all of my husbands frequent flier
Now talk about airing my dirty laundry, that is it.  I am not as smart as I used to be, but I am much more loving than I used to be!  There are definitely pros and cons to every scenario, and I am looking for all of the pros there are!  I am about as strong as a person can be.  But I'm not blind to my situation. For that reason, I told my story to our Fox News affiliate. For that reason, I will continue to help the cause in anyway I can! 

Friday, March 18, 2011

Write or sell?



I decided to come outside and enjoy the second beautiful day we have had in a row!  I spent all day yesterday with the girls and some friends.  What looked like about 10 moms and 50 kids, went to the zoo yesterday to bask in the amazing weather and friendship.  And afterwards a few came to our house to play even longer in the amazing sun!  Today is just as nice and even warmer, but the girls are on the way to the beach with their mom.  So out I am.  But we don’t have patio furniture, so I decided to climb on the trampoline and lounge a bit as I wrote.  I’m certain that any neighbor looking out their back window got a great laugh!  When is the last time you tried to climb onto a trampoline and through the net, while being 7 months pregnant?  If getting down is just as easy, you may find me still laying here in the morning!
I can’t help but recognize how extremely lucky I have been the last few days to spend them with the girls (Isaac is in Buffalo with his dad).  When I worked full time, this would have been impossible.  I wouldn’t have made sponge balls for water fights or bowls out of yarn.  I wouldn’t have read lots of books to Soph or been able to relax and just enjoy their presence.  I would have rushed home to cook dinner, give them a bath and get them in bed.  And what kind of spring break is that?  We are broke, so I am a little jealous that they get to go to the beach with their mom.  But for $20, we had activities galore, and that was good enough for me.
The hard part comes when I look at our bank statement.  I have to do something!  I am working with a great event and trying to secure sponsorships for their 5k and 10k held in June.  I also have the South Nash Dash in the works, but we don’t see money from that until September and even then it is measly. But money complaints is not why I am here today.  I am really just so grateful for having the ability to focus on being a mom.  And I want to find a way to continue it for years with Baby Andrew once he is born.
Friends and I went to an amazing conference last weekend called “Time Out For Women”. It was so uplifting and inspiring.  But “Become” was the main theme.  What I took away was the idea that I can become something amazing if I work with God on what he wants for me. So pray I did.  A lot.  And I can’t help thinking that I am supposed to write a book.  But that is all I have so far.  Not sure if it should be fiction, spiritual, or a biography (risking my entire family hating me forever!).  Not sure if I am supposed to take a few writing classes first.  Just not sure.  
I know that I have to earn money in the meantime, or fear my husband losing his sanity.  Selling sponsorships is something I am good at, I know who to talk to and how to get things done.  I love creating activation ideas and in reality I would really like to teach at the collegiate level one day. There is not doubt that I am not the same work-a-holic, fun, party girl that Rob married.  I am more of the work-from-home-when-I-feel-like-it mom, who spends hours a week doing church service or activities. Right now what I want and what Rob wants me to do, are two totally different things! So how does it work?  I have such a strong faith that Heavenly Father will provide a way.  But I also do not want my family to starve. He says that He will take care of us once we have done our very best. So I’m trying to figure out my timing.  I can’t exactly throw my hands up and say “God told me to write a book, hope you all like rice and beans!” How do I do what I need to do financially, and also do what I think the Lord is leading me to do? And don’t forget that I will be doing it all with no regular sleep while attempting to breast feed!
I have loved picking up the kid(s) from school everyday.  I am so grateful that when I am having a “sick” day, I stay in bed.  I don’t stress, I don’t go to work sick, I don’t worry about what the boss is thinking, I just relax and get better.  But I hate the worried look on my husbands face when he says “I just don’t know how we are going to make it” and I know he is looking at me to fill the gap. Families make the sacrifice for a mom to stay home with the kids all of the time, so I know it can work.  But asking him to make it work when it wasn’t who he married and when his mom worked, is a lot different.  I hate disappointing anyone, especially my loved ones, so something has to work out that keeps us all happy!  I guess what I will do is pray some more and keep trying to sell some sponsorships between prayers!  

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Update on mom, a daughters perspective

I am exhausted, so won't go in to too much detail right now. But wanted to get everyone caught up on where we are with mom.  Tuesday was her third back surgery.  It was supposed to be the easiest and least painful of them all.  So the plan was for her to come home Wednesday.  But around 9:30 am on Wed, she started having pain in her hip flexor area.  By 10:30-11, it was so excruciating that she could barely catch her breath.  In all honesty, I could stop there, because that is where we still are.  They have tried every type of pain medication, they have doubled them, they have given her enough morphine and steroid shots to kill an elephant, and still she cries in pain.  If you don't know my mom well, you need to understand that she doesn't cry in pain...ever.  She is stubborn and she will lie to your face if you ask her if she hurts.  But she can't hide this pain.  Her blood pressure stayed in the 170/115 range most of yesterday and today.  When I left tonight it was finally in the 140/95 range.  Thank goodness.  I cannot count how many pills they have given her or how many people have come in only to shrug their shoulders and say "I don't know".
Finally today when I saw that things were not getting better and the pain was increasing to the other side. I requested further tests.  The NP agreed, but could not get the DR to respond to her emails, pages and calls. So I let them know that if we continue to get no where, I would have to call in for a second Dr's opinion.  Fairly quickly after that the DR arrived and ordered an MRI.
Whether it is nerve damage or "normal" nerve pain, I don't know.  But I have had 3 nurses at the Spinal Surgery Center tell me they have yet to deal with anything like this, especially the inability to control the pain and blood pressure.  Mom's right leg is numb to her touch but on fire inside, that is the way she describes it.  Apparently our next step is to move her to a rehab clinic where they will try and narrow in on the exact pain and try and find a control for it.  He said we could be there most of next week.  It just depends on how quickly they can get it located and controlled.  At the rate we are moving I feel like she will never get better.  But what has been 2 days for the rest of the world has been a lifetime for me.  12 hours each day, by her side, watching her be so miserable.  All along being her normal sweet self, apologizing to every nurse for everything.  She hates to receive help, but she just doesn't have a choice now.  We measured today, when trying to sit up, she turns white as a ghost at 30 degrees, at 90 degrees she is sobbing and to stand up longer than 30 seconds sounds like she is having a heart attack and trying to catch her breath.  This is not the mom I know, and it has been horrific to watch.  But I can't leave her side, because someone has to fight for her.  She has been so sweet that if they asked her to serve lunch to the other patients, she would get up and try.  And then there is me... Making sure that she gets the care she deserves, and clearly needs.  But I did let them know they were lucky my brother is out of state.  Because he is 6'4" 320lbs and has way less patience than me!
So off to try and sleep, my shift starts early tomorrow!  And I just have to say a big thank you to Shannon Harris for keeping tabs on me and keeping me sane.  And my poor husband who has had to take time from his already too tight schedule to pick up the kids, because I can't leave her side.  And to Blake who let me laugh off some steam tonight, because when I say that I'm sure the nurses sit in their station hoping that crazy daughter isn't in the room, I am not joking  (And there are a few people out there who know how true that statement is)!  But he lets me call every night and vent and laugh so that I don't cry.
Thank you all for so many thoughts and prayers you keep sharing on facebook.  I share them with her throughout the day, and she is so grateful!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Moving Forward

Time to get busy.  It is as simple as that.  Rob can only do so much and that leaves me.  Something has to be done, I am way to big a fan of eating!! What could be a great opportunity, has presented it's self, so I am going to try my luck!  There is a significant road race in Clarksville that has yet to figure out how to make money or sell sponsorships.  They have a good committee, but of course everyone is uncomfortable asking for money.  Which is where I come in.  
You see sponsorships are not donations, they aren't handouts.  You figure out what your demographic is.  In this case, who will be racing and who will be cheering the racers on.  And then you approach companies who want to be in front of that demographic.  When they partner with the race, they have placed themselves strategically in front of their ideal customer and showcased that they have a common interest with that customer.  It is a win win all the way around!  But you do have to be very strategic about who you ask to partner with your event.  Otherwise you waste too much time on meetings and presentations where "no" will surely be the answer.  
We all know that I have no time to waste.  I feel good about 3 days a weeks, so those days need to be filled with successful meetings, building strategic partnerships.  I hope that everything will work out.  Goodness knows the extra money will be helpful!
So time to put my sponsorship pants back on and go gang busters!  Hopefully I will also be able to get some things working for Feld Entertainment, not to mention moving forward with the 2011 SouthNashDash!
It is clearly time to move forward!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Dave Ramsey, What do we do?

Time to get real, and I mean real painful type honest.  When Rob and I met, we knew we were soul mates, even if all logistics said "Absolutely Not!" But one thing that was ver different about us, was our perspective on money.  You see, I grew up with a mom in Nashville who in between marriages always worked 2 or 3 jobs; And a dad who lived in San Diego and chose to work the night shift so that he could surf every day.  I'm guessing he maxed out at $12/hr by the time I was in high school.  So to say we had no money would be an understatement.  But to say I was not spoiled would be a lie. I'm certain that there were times when my mom bought me a new pair of Jordache rather than paying an electric bill.  As i've become a parent I have realized that my mom shows love through gift giving, it is who she is, and she passed that on to me.  But I was always blessed, I spent my summers with my Aunt, who truly spoiled me rotten and then welcomed me into her and my uncle's home for good when I moved to Cali after 9th grade. So from all appearances, I had a great life.  But the secret was, my parents still had no money, but they did everything they could for me.  I can't imagine the sacrifice it was to keep me in a cheerleading uniform.  Now that I pay for my own children's activities, I'm certain that my love of cheering wiped out their bank account occasionally.
(not my squad, but CHS cheerleaders on a firetruck for a parade, just like we did back in the day)

And then came my third and final step dad, who is an amazing man.  He has helped with everything since I was 18, and I do mean everything.  But still, him having to help indicates that I was always broke.  At 24 I had Isaac, still hadn't finished college, and the story could go on forever.  But the short of it is, I was so broke that I never made enough to pay the bills, so too often I would say to myself "you can't pay the gas bill, so you might as well go ahead and get those cute shoes, you can afford those".  What a horrible web I made for myself.  
But jump forward 10 years and I met the love of my life, who had a completely different perspective.  He had no idea how much anything cost, because it was never an issue.  Money was always there.  He had a great step dad who was very successful in his industry and took great care of them.  He was the kid with the cool car and the soccer trips to Europe.  I was the kids working 30 hrs a week, while in high school, trying to help pay the bills.  We were so very different.  I am certain the idea of combining bank accounts scared the crap out of him, as it did me.  I wanted control over my money and the amount of shoes I had.  By that time, I was making good money, and living with my parents, so again, for all outside appearances I looked golden.  Fancy car, great suits, amazing job.  But still zero in savings or retirement or an ESA.  Rob's desire to put money in savings excited him as much as a new handbag excited me, and that is a little scary.  But together we made good money, so no worries.  Until I had to leave my job, I uncovered things that the FBI has only recently discovered and the company and the owners, one of whom was in our wedding, are in trouble to the amount of double digit millions... So it was good I left, but horrible for our finances, which we still didn't agree on. 
We survived and after a year, we realized how much stronger we had become through that struggle, although not one we would want to repeat.  Rob continued to excel in his company and my job continued to decline.  So with lots of prayer and a lot of nervousness, I resigned.  Now again, we were living on just his salary.  But we did great.  We have been doing Dave Ramsey's written budget for at least 2 years now.  Certain months were tight, and Rob would get a little grumpy, but we always made it.  You must remember, I have lived the life of "poor", he has never!  So he has a right to get grumpy, he is scared out of his goard!
Regardless, we have done well. He has  been able to take great care of us.  But this month starts his new compensation package, which is heavily weighted on the end of the year (which worked before, because I made good money). But without me working, it is a different story.  So this weekend the Feb written budget was done, just like Dave Ramsey says.  We know where every penny is going.  And I do mean every penny.  Because for the first time since 2008, we don't have enough pennies.  In fact we are short a lot of pennies.  And not due to waste, we are short pennies if I don't go to the grocery store.  Typically we spend about $600 a month in groceries for the 5 of us.  This month, $0 is allotted.  Now I am scared! I am grateful that during the good times we started food storage.  But my family looks to me for exciting meals at least a few times a week and I don't know how many ways I can cook corn, pasta or tuna?  I don't even think the kids like tuna, but we have a lot because it is protein that stores well! 
I have only one thing that is keeping me sane, and that is my faith in the Lord.  Before I left my job and tried to get pregnant, I prayed a lot.  I went to the temple, to pray some more.  And I am certain that the Lord gave me a thumbs up, believe me, he has given me plenty of thumbs down! As I have prayed continuously all weekend, I have had overwhelming peace.  I have no clue how we will make it.  From the outside we look like a pretty wealthy family.  We have nice cars and a beautiful 3,500 sq foot home.  And I have a husband who believes you don't charge things, which is why our dining room sat empty for 3 years! So I am grateful that in our budget we aren't paying a ton of debt, the only debt we have of course is mine...my car and student loan.  He brought nothing but savings to the marriage, I on the other hand brought nothing but debt.  But not credit cards or unsecured loans.  I had the debt that I thought was normal, car and school.
Anyway, that is where I am today.  Broke!  I can't spend a penny!  I have tickets to tonights Predators game (free from an old co-worker) and Rob asked if I was packing his dinner. How do you sneak that in through security? 
I am praying that this trial will bring us closer together, and not tear us apart.  No money can be a horrible thing!  And cause lots of anger to emerge.  First thought is that I should go to work, but with a baby due in a few months, I could only wait tables, and I have been so sick, that I am totally unreliable!  I would ruin my reputation at the restaurant I love. So I don't really think that is an option.  I am trying to sell anything I don't use on ebay... Not sure if that will work either... And I am saying a lot of prayers!
I know that I am not alone.  And I also know that I am extremely fortunate!  So many people have been desperate and out of work for a year or more since the recession began.  I just wonder, how do they make it?  How do you stay sane?  How do you decide what to pay and what not to pay??  I don't have enough money to pay all the bills, although I have zero allotted for groceries, I have to buy milk, bread and sandwich meat for lunches right??? I just need a little guidance...
All I can say is that I am grateful for all my husband has taught me about the value of money!  But the flip side is I can't sleep, I am so worried about what to do for dinner and lunch!  
So again, any advice you have would be great.  I know I am not alone, and I pray for you who are struggling every day!  Thank goodness, I did that before (part of being in a financially poor ward I guess), but now I am truly understanding your pain.  And for those of you still holding strong, keep up the great work!  And save some, you just never know when you will need it!


Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Slow Down! What is really important?




When I first started this blog, the intention was for me to stay in touch with the sponsorship world as well as work on the brand management of a few companies, all while being able to chauffeur my children anywhere they needed to go. But things have clearly changed! A part of me stopped blogging because I haven't been doing anything on the MaxxV front at all, and I felt as if that was the essence of my blog. But I realize that Motherhood has been in the title of my blog since day one, clearly God knew more about my future than I did! So for now the blog will be more about motherhood with some splashes of sponsorship (as it is time to start planning the 2011 Menchie's SouthNashDash 5K).
I am now 19 weeks pregnant, and it is safe to say the first trimester was total hell, for me and my family. I was so miserable and although unintended, I seemed to share my misery with my family and close friends. They all stuck with me, and for that I am very grateful! We were a house divided, Sophia and I wanted to have a little girl and Rob, Isaac and Kassidy were hoping for a little boy. But three weeks ago we found out we would be having a boy. Sophia (4yrs old) was able to express what I was hiding inside as she yelled at the ultrasound tech "Stop calling her a boy! It has to be a girl!" While the other three in the room were high fiving and clearly over the moon at the thought of having a boy.
Immediately attitudes changed in our house. Sophia and I quickly got over the fact that we would not have a little girl. But Rob and Isaac (12yrs) continue to be more and more giddy about having a boy in the house. What used to annoy Rob (vomiting, getting rounder, sleeping-ALOT), has now become important to him, as I am growing his first baby boy. With the thought of having a girl, he didn't care about the name. She would be called Sarah Claire, both names coming from important people in my family history. Now with a boy, the name is a HUGE deal! Out of the blue, Rob wanted a Robert Allen Barkley IV. I did not. So for a week, I tread carefully as I suggested other names. But finally I had to lay it out there "I love you, but I don't love your name. I can't name our baby that." First feelings were hurt, then they were transferred into creativity, as Rob decided we would be unique and name him Trebor (notice what this spells backwards...). Again I tried to be creative, but loving. Suggesting we name him after our two best friends in the whole wide world Cooper Lee (after Nick Cooper and Karlee). That held for a few days, when all heck broke lose! But finally we went back to my Predators roots and we held a draft. This may sound confusing, but it is just what it sounds like... Rob, Isaac and I each put names we liked on individual pieces of paper; put those names in a bag and started the 4 round draft. Pulling 8 names first and getting down to 3 names. With three names, I wrote down variations of first and middle names and then the vote from all 5 of us began. Every family member could vote on the variations they liked as we eliminated the names with the fewest votes each time. What did we end up with? Andrew Kimball. We all love it, but we felt as if we still needed to include some family history, and after much debate about having too long of a name, we have decided to name our son Andrew Allan Kimball. Rob, his father and his step-dad all have the middle name "Allen". My step-dad has the middle name "Alan". So we have combined the two (which confused Rob at first as he kept trying to correct my spelling) in honor of them all and named him Allan. I have felt remorse for not being able to include my father in the name at all, but I hope that he will forgive me since I did fight to have Isaac's last name hyphenated in order to carry out the Estes name, with my dad being the last male to carry the name.
Along with extreme concern about the "boys" name, came huge opinions on what needed to be a manly nursery. It did not escape my attention that had I been carrying a girl, Rob would not have cared less what went in the nursery. But there has been something sweet about his new found excitement. As most know, I was unmarried when I had Isaac, and except for my mom, dad and step-dads excitement, there wasn't much to be excited about. It was a scary time, which turned into the greatest blessing of my life. My dream was to one day have a baby with a man who adored me and would share in the joys of pregnancy and infancy with me. It took a long time for Rob and I to decide to have a baby, and still I felt a little alone, as if he had just given in because he loved me. But finding out that he is having a boy, that his legacy will continue, has changed everything. And for that I am grateful. I had no idea how badly I needed him to be excited about this baby. And he is truly excited!
Yesterday, an event happened that I never dreamed would occur. My husband took Isaac to Utah for a 12 year old snowboarding man trip. Just the two of them. 9 years ago, when I was a single mom, I could only dream that one day I would be married to someone who loved my son as much as I did. Rob truly does. The two of them spending a week alone will probably change their relationship forever. I am so very grateful for that!!!!
But while they were flying to Utah, my dear friend Shannon and I were belly up with an ultrasound check having the mack daddy of ultrasounds. This was the week they are checking for everything. Being 37, I am high risk. So we are looking for Down's, Spina Bifida, or anything else that could possible become a part of who our child is. And believe me when I say that Shannon is clearly having this child with us. When I am sick, she takes over in our house. When it is time to shop for baby, she is there. Register? It's me and her. When labor begins, it will be her making sure everyone is where they need to be and taken care of. So it is only fair that she be a part of the big ultrasound day (I clarify big, because unlike average pregnancies, I have been getting internal ultrasound's every few weeks due to my cervical cancer and surgery in 2004. So whereas most women have had to wait until 19 weeks to have a good ultrasound, I have had plenty!) But I digress...For an hour we watch the screen as the tech measures everything about our baby boy. Shannon and I count 10 fingers and 10 toes, big belly, pointy Barkley nose..But as we talk later we both comment that the tech got quiet and spent a LOT of time on the spinal area and the brain area, which of course concerns me. We don't wait long to see my OB and go over the results of the ultrasound. He lets us know all of the things which are normal, including my cervix (yeah!), he lets us know that nothing was significantly abnormal, but there are a few uncertainties in the spinal area. He says we shouldn't be concerned yet, it just means the tech couldn't get the visible confirmation and measurements where they would like. He suggest we go ahead and do the quad blood screening, which will let us know our risk percentage for certain defects and we will go from there. What that means is, if we hear from him in the next day or two, I will go in for an amnio. If we don't, I will go back in 4 weeks and continue a perfectly healthy pregnancy.
Talking to Rob from Utah last night, I am reminded about how much this baby means to him, as he asks lost of questions and then calls back 2 hours later to ask more questions. I'm not sure if he knows how comforting it is to hear his concern. I have been a medical disaster since he met me, and every time he sticks he head in the sand and refuses to come up until the doctor gives the all clear. Don't get me wrong, he is there when I have surgery, or have important appointments, but you can tell by the glazed look in his eyes, that he isn't really there. The fact that he wants every detail of what could or could not be happening in my belly, is amazing. He is not glazed over, he is fully present. I fall more in love with him every day!
So I am going to try and blog more, but as you can tell it will be about Motherhood for the most part with a splash of sponsorship and brand management when I learn something worth sharing! But for now I am a mother and I am loving every minute of it! I would like to share one final thought, it is from a book I just finished called "Left Neglected" by Lisa Genova. I could never describe as well as she does, my thoughts as I left the 8-5 (or more) work force, so I want to share that paragraph with you.
"The thought of going back to Berkley now is scary. But it's not scary like snowboarding for the the first time, trying to walk without a cane, or Martha in a miserable mood. And it's not the reason I don't want to go back. Ever since business school, I've had my head down, barreling a thousand miles an hour, wearing the flesh of each day down to the bone, pointed down one road toward a single goal. A successful life. And not just run-of-the-mill success. The kind of success that my fellow elite classmates would envy, the kind that my professors would cart out to future students as a shining example of achievement, the kind that even the exceptionally prosperous citizens of Welmont would aspire to, the kind that Bob would be proud of. The kind of visibly successful life that would in every way be the exact opposite of the broken, shameful life of my childhood.
And then I crashed my car. For the first time in almost a decade, I stopped barreling a thousand miles an hour down that road. Everything stopped. And although much of the stillness of the past four months as been a painful and terrifying experience, it has given me a chance to lift my head up and have a look around.
And I'm starting to wonder. What else is there? Maybe success can be something else, and maybe there's another way to get there. Maybe there's a different road for me with a more reasonable speed limit. Whether it's because I can't, I'm too afraid, something inside me has changed and wants something different, or a complex blend of all three, I can't say, but I don't want to go back to Berkley. I don't want to go back to that life. The same intuition that led me to Mike Green and snowboarding is leading me somewhere else. And I trust it." (ch 32)
So that sums it up. A few years ago I left an amazing job with insane hours. Working for the Nashville Predators was a chance in a lifetime. The connections, the travel, the pro athletes. I had it all. Or so I thought. I left to take a job that would allow me to be home for dinner. I started to appreciate that time. Then we had a breast cancer scare and lumpectomy surgery. Then we had another brain episode, that the neurologists couldn't explain, and I was back in a quiet, dark room 95% of the day. And then I was slow enough to realize, I don't need that type of success anymore. Would I still like an income? Of course! But more than anything, I want to be a successful wife, mom and step-mom. I love our three children and I adore my husband. I have dreams, there are a few things I still plan to accomplish in my life, but for now, I am a mom and I am so grateful for this opportunity!


Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Left out of a Pandora Club


Last night while watching TV I noticed a few "Pandora" brand bracelet knock-offs. I was reminded how many women around me have Pandora bracelets and seem to be in a Pandora club of sorts; and I have been totally left out. I pointed out to my husband that bracelets are my favorite type of jewelry, with that knowledge, how did I get left out of such a popular trend?? Hubby's grandma bought them for all of the daughters, daughters in law and grand-daughters, except me of course. And each holiday they all get new charms from her. Except me... And then on a recent trip to Carlsbad, CA I noticed that my aunt and cousins all had Pandora bracelets and by the door was a new Pandora bag ready to take to my cousins house for her birthday party. Once again, I am totally not included! I feel so left out! And surprisingly it really bothers me!
I guess this is a perfect example of overactive emotions due to Pregnancy hormones! Oh well!
Pregnancy has brought on a whole new batch of emotions, feelings and priorities that I didn't expect. It is so much different this time than it was 12 years ago. I am less worried about post birth, because I have been with my step daughters for 4 years now. But the pregnancy thing is a little tougher. First of all, the hunger and nausea! I have already gained 5 lbs and am only 8 wks pregnant! I shouldn't have gained anything, I seem to remember no one knowing I was pregnant at this point 12 years ago. Now I just look fat, and am so uncomfortable in anything except pajamas!
And sleep. I don't know if it is possible for me to sleep anymore than I am currently. But when I am asleep I don't feel so yucky, so I am a big fan of sleeping these days. I tend to have morning sickness all day long every day, which also makes it tough to think about working in any capacity. Whether it be folding laundry or making sales calls. I just feel like crap. I know it is wearing on my husband, but I don't really know what I can do about it. I am grateful that this is only for 9 months and hope that he can stick with me for that long. It is so hard to understand how something the size of a peanut can completely take over my body. I'm like a zombie living inside the skin of Kristy Barkley, hopefully I won't due too much damage between now and June 17th!!
Pray for all those unfortunate enough to be stuck with me! And add me to a Pandora club if you have one!!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Dizzy Bat


The last couple of days I feel like I have been playing the dizzy bat game. You know the one...Where you put the end of a bat on the ground and your nose on the handle and you spin around in a circle 10 times, then stand up and try and run to a pre-determined destination...That seems to be me on a regular basis. And then of course I fall down because I am so dizzy! And when I say dizzy, I don't mean in parable terms, I mean literally I am dizzy and nauseous. Of course the people closest to me assume I am pregnant, so I peed on a stick an hour ago, much to my dismay, I was not. So then it is time to figure out what is going on, and I make a list of the things I am a part of at some level or another. YWCA GED tutoring, Junior Achievement volunteer teacher, Alzheimer's Association sponsorship chair, Worthwhile board member, Relief Society President, Giandi's catering brand manager, Feld Entertainment sponsorship sales, Maxx the Robot brand manager, Rainbow Valley sponsorship sales, I Run For the Party sponsorship sales and another event that is occurring tonight that I think ended up being a big flop.
To top it all off, I go to boot camp at 5:15 in the mornings, I try to keep the house clean and groceries stocked, get 1 kid to and from everything and 2 kids to and from everything half of the time, and I am trying to get pregnant with someone who is excited one minute and freaking out the next.
It is no wonder I feel as if I am in a dizzy bat game. To make matters worse, all I want to do is curl up and watch movies for a week and read books. But I just can't. Today I did the Barkley's October budget and it is really scary. We are going to be walking a very fine line, which is never fun in our home. And hubby wants to know if I can make money anywhere else. Again, I want to put my head in the proverbial sand and never come out!
But alas, I must get to work. I feel like Isaac hit the nail on the head last night when he said "you need to make more money", and I said, "yes, but I don't have time to take on any more clients". To which he responded "well then hire someone" and I informed him "I don't make enough to pay anyone else right now". So how does someone make that transition when they are starting a company? Is there a magic formula? If so, please feel me in!
Until then, I will keep trying to get everything done.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

An Ideal Day


I have been "retired" for a month and 3 days now. Today is the first day that was even close to what I had hoped for. I took Isaac to school, came home and worked on a couple of projects for 4 hours, cleaned the house for 3 hours and then went back to get Isaac. Then I made dinner, Isaac and I ate and I had the kitchen cleaned up by 7 pm. Now that is a great day!
I just wonder how many of those I will actually have??
The first project I worked on this morning was for Feld Entertainment in conjunction with Werkshop Marketing. I am helping them get people to attend a reception prior to the Disney On Ice Toy Story 3 show. We will hopefully fill the room with potential sponsors for any of the many Feld shows. It should be a lot of fun!
The other project I am working on is for Giandi's Catering. I reached out to multiple event planners and venues today, as well as companies who order catering for meetings. My goal is to grow the Giandi's brand. They currently stay busy with events, but they do a ton of smaller events and only a few large events. We want to get them doing more larger events and fewer small events. With the help of Shannon, I have gotten their Facebook page and Twitter page up. Hopefully this will help continue to grow their brand. There are a lot of great caterers in Middle Tennessee, but it is the few that market themselves and grow their social media, that will rise to the top. So my goal is to help Giandi's reach the top. The owner is fantastic and I love working with him. He is in the process of hiring a new chef and I am excited to see what possibilities that will bring to the menus! We are getting close to Christmas party season, so I hope to have tons of parties booked by mid November!
Not to back track, but the Menchie's SouthNashDash went wonderfully! I had a great team working on it with me! Rob, Shannon Harris, Sheri Ferguson, Drew and Lacey Williams all helped prior to race day and the people that helped on race day were amazing! Especially Rob and I's parents, they were total Rock Stars! My mom and dad showed up at 6 am and set up registration, cut bagels, bought and delivered ice, took pictures, took care of Menchie man, I could go on forever, but needless to say, I am so grateful for their help! Rob's mom, helped all day as well, especially helping keep track of the kids while my mom took pics. We ended up having a bit over 230 runners/walkers. The bands were great and the vendor tables were awesome! I learned a few things to make next year better...We will end earlier, we will give away door prizes between songs rather than between bands, we will let everyone start at once, and we will offer chip timing, for an additional charge. All in all, I think the day went well, I delegated well and I think I had things organized efficiently. An unintended compliment I received was "I haven't seen you all day" The reason I liked it was because it meant that people didn't have to come to me for every little question. I had people in the right spots that could answer any questions as they came up! Huge thanks to Shannon Harris, Derek Robertson (who collected 2 boxes of shoes for Soles 4 Souls), Rob and I's parents, my wonderful and patient kids, Kathy Niznik, Sheri Ferguson, CK and my amazing husband, Rob.
This Saturday I am going to do the Women's Half Marathon Music City. It started as a challenge for Shannon as well as myself, 6 months ago. I wasn't feeling great, and hadn't worked out in months, and she was doing random things here and there. So I asked her if she would do this half with me. At the time, she would pretty much max out around 2 miles. We have since spent every Saturday morning together (with a couple of exceptions), walking and running. The weekend before SND, we went 13.1 miles, so I know we are ready. I have committed to do this whole race with her at her pace, and I am excited about it! And just so that we don't lose momentum, we have both signed up for the Race for the Cure in a couple of weeks, she will do another 1/2 marathon with her sister in Tempe and then we will do the I Run For the Party 1/2 in mid November as well. Then I told her we can take a winter gym break! If you are not impressed by her progress, then you need to read her blog, Run Phatty Run, it is so funny! She says out loud what every beginner runner has ever thought!
Well, I am going to relax away the last couple of hours of this Ideal Day!

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Countdown to the Crazies!

Things have been crazy busy! I am 9 days away from Menchie's South Nash Dash and although it is coming together, I am really feeling the pressure from some of my other clients who feel as if they have been on the back burner. I wish they all knew how often they were in my thoughts and actions!!!
But due to my crazy schedule, today I am going to share less of the personal today and more of the info...Today I want to share with you a few things I have learned about sponsorship over the years. If you aren't in the industry, it may bore you. But then again, it may give you a different perspective on why sponsors do what they do..

So Here You Go...
There is a belief out there that if an organization embarks on a sponsorship with one company, it disadvantages other companies in that category. Not to put too fine a point on it, but…yeah!
To a sponsor, sponsorship is all about creating a point of difference from the competition. Through a sponsorship, they will make connections with their target market(s), meet their objectives cost-effectively, and position their brand.
If you are selling sponsorship, you are selling a point of difference. The benefits you offer in exchange for their money create that point of difference. There is no way to create a partnership with one company - while taking their money to help underwrite your costs – and to ensure a level playing field.
If we want to sell sponsorship, the first thing we need to accept is that there is no level playing field. That said, there are some things we can do to ensure that providing a company with some benefits that give them an edge with their markets is not the same thing as giving them preference to our organization.
What we are selling is about meeting the sponsor’s objectives with our program’s target market. As all sponsors have different objectives and markets, some will be better suited as partners for a particular program than others.
Our sponsorships are about marketing return, not buying influence.

Sponsorship can provide more relevance and excitement around things on which the sponsor is already spending money, such as advertising, promotions, e-commerce, loyalty marketing and employee programs. The net effect is that sponsorship is supporting the overall marketing program, not the other way around. There is a rule of thumb that states that for every dollar a sponsor spends on a sponsorship fee, they need to spend another dollar to leverage the sponsorship.
Sponsors often think that leverage will cost a large amount of money. In fact, integrating sponsorship with the existing media integration can ease the burden of additional costs by fully utilizing all of the marketing vehicles that the sponsor is already paying for. They can drop their costs dramatically, making their whole sponsorship program more cost effective.
The best ambush protection a sponsor can possibly have is to leverage their sponsorship fully. If they have created a strong program of support for their investment, any activities mounted by their competition will look weak and stupid by comparison.

Sponsorship is the most emotional and personally relevant of all marketing media. If you don’t know who your markets are, you won’t be successful at any kind of marketing, much less with sponsorship.
Interesting thought: Forty years ago, sports grounds had billboards. The signs actually said something about the brand or the product, not like the logos that now plaster every surface of every modern stadium. That was followed by the more-is-better logo-driven approach. Still common, the problem with this approach is that the massive preponderance of signage is unwelcome. It is clutter – an interruption – that detracts, rather than enhances, the audiences’s experience with the event. Research has shown that people tend to equate signage with sponsorship and sponsorship to making an event run, which means that they tolerate it, but that is all they do. If you want your brand to be an invited part of someone’s life, there is no more powerful way to achieve that than to add value to their experience and align with their values and self-definition through something that they truly care about, and no worse way to do it than to disrespect their experience than by intruding on it. The wisest of sponsors understand that signage and other branding is not the cake, it’s not the frosting, it is merely the cherry on the top. In a fully realized sponsorship program, it can serve as a reminder of the sponsorship’s substance, but a conscious effort is made not to be intrusive.
The most powerful thing that a sponsor can do to effect a marketing return from sponsorship is to add value to the event/cause/team/whatever experience – to amplify the good stuff and mitigate the bad stuff; to make it more accessible, convenient, or interactive; to give the target market more input, control, or voice; to make the target market feel understood and valued and respected.
People choose to have these experiences – they care about them and make them part of their lives – and the sponsor who makes that even better for them will be valued and their contribution to the experience advocated. It’s about creating small, meaningful “wins” for a lot of people, and it is incredibly powerful.
Contrast that with sponsors who take the selfish route – who choose to interrupt the experience, to be overbearing and intrusive, to disrespect the audience; who are so are so focused on getting people’s attention that they conveniently forget that those people are there for the primary goal of paying attention to something else.
Best practice sponsorship is built around the idea of win-win-win. The third “win” is for the target markets. The goal with best practice sponsorship is that a large proportion of the target markets should receive small, meaningful benefits through a sponsorship, not just the chance for one person to receive a giant prize.
The event experience, however, provides the scope, longevity, and flexibility to create amazing, bespoke sponsorship programs. How? Think about this… Do people stop being fans of a team when the game ends? The season? Does the concert really start with the first crushing chord and end when the lights go on? Is your Louvre experience over when you re-emerge into the Paris dusk? Do you stop caring about the charity once you’ve finished the walk-a-thon? Do you have to attend a conference to be interested in the content? No. No to all of it.
The way most sponsorship is done, however, you think the event itself was the be-all and end-all. The fundamental reason for this is the flawed (and outdated) idea that the primary relationship is between the sponsor and the sponsee, hence, the focal point is the event. In reality, the primary relationship is between the sponsor and their target market(s) – with the sponsorship seeker in the role of “conduit” – so the focal point must be the people who make up the markets, and for them, the event is only part of their event experience.
The event experience starts the moment an event comes into consideration and doesn’t end until the last memory fades, the last story is told, you turn the concert CD into a coaster, the t-shirt into a rag, or simply decide to care about something else. The event experience is longer, broader, and deeper than the event itself. It encompasses anticipation and memories, logistics and mementos, it is emotional, functional, educational, social, and so much more. The event is created by a production company or team or association. The event experience is created by individuals. And because there are so many ways to have an event experience – so many components, so many touch-points – many people create one for themselves without even attending the event.
I am not talking about simply running a sales promotion (or whatever) that is anchored on the event, but happens outside of the event, although that certainly can be part of a leverage program. I am talking about extending the basic concept behind best practice sponsorship – that sponsorship is now win-win-win, with the third win being the target market – across the entire event experience.
Creating those “third wins”, those small, meaningful value-adds for the target market, falls into two main categories: Amplifying or extending the best parts of the event experience and ameliorating the worst parts of the event experience. There are as many ways to do this as there are aspects to an even experience, but here are some ideas to get you started.

An IEG/Performance Research survey indicated that ‘increasing consumer loyalty’ was the top priority of corporate sponsors.

Activation Ideas:
Allow race participants to use their bib number for a discount at your store
Hand out a coupon during the day offering a discount at your store
Offer door prize, have the enter to win bowl at your table and keep the database
Have a kids area (coloring pages or posters, play doh, etc…) around your table that will allow the parents to hang out at your table longer
Offering sunscreen mini packets

Ask yourself:
What are the best things about this event experience to my target market?
How can my brand improve that experience?
Does my brand respect and enhance the audience’s emotional connection with the event?
Does my brand provide meaningful added-value to the audience’s experience with the event?
Does my brand enhance the target market’s community in a way that impacts, even in a small way, on ordinary people’s lives?


There are sponsorship seekers – big and small – who are sailing through the GFC. Why? Because they have the skills and approach that make them appealing to these very picky sponsors.
If every single proposal you prepared were customised for that sponsor, and provided ideas for how they could use (leverage) that sponsorship to achieve their objectives and create meaningful bonds with their target markets, your proposals would be at the top of the pile.
If your proposal included ideas for how various departments and business units could benefit from (leverage) the sponsorship, it will make it easier for the sponsor to sell the proposal internally.
If you approached the brand manager with your fabulous, customised proposal, you would have a clearer run to the ultimate decision-maker.
If you add value to your sponsor relationships, putting yourself in the position of “problem solver”, rather than “contract enforcer” or “arse kisser”, you will showcase your value as a partner, not just a communication channel.
If you help your sponsors create amazing leverage plans and show flexibility with benefits when a great idea demands it, your sponsors will find you a refreshing joy to work with.
If you invest in educating your sponsors, creating networking events, and showcasing the work of your most effective sponsors, you are adding value not only to their results with your sponsorship, but giving them skills and ideas that they can use across their whole portfolio.
The best sponsorship seekers in the world are not necessarily the biggest or sexiest, they are the ones who balance strategic skills and creativity to help their sponsors achieve their goals, thus differentiating themselves from the hoard of sponsorship seekers who can’t be bothered. Let them fill the “dead wood” column, because you don’t have to be there, no matter what the economy does